Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
