If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drake has all the answers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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