Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
