so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
