he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize