After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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