Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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