her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
