I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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