Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
