Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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