tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
