I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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