Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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