Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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