U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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