i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
