after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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