i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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