the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
