Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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