Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
