i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
