I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
