i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
