I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
