Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
