Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
