You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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