Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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