You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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