Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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