how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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