A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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