Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
COCAINE IS GR8
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
