kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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