Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
