is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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