I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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