quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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