He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
