i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
