y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
