I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have aggressive nipples.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
