I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's blow job season.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
