He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
