I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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