Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
