The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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