She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
