she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
