My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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