During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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