dude i'm inner monologue high
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sarcasm needs its own font
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
