omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
