You're so nebulous sometimes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
