I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
