sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
