I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
