His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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