So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
