Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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