No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
