are you so shy because you have an std?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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