there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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