Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
