Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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