She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
