It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
cat food counts as protein by the way
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
