Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
