Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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