we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
