She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
