She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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