They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
