I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
