she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize