I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
