Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
