True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize