he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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