I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
