thus making me awesome and them whores
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Shame is for Republicans.
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